


1000 Forms Of Fear

by MLGSpaceDorito



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Anxiety, College AU, Depression, Explicit Language, F/F, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Human AU, Multi, Neglect, Polyamorous relationship, Sexual Themes, Song fic, eventual smut probably, mentions of abuse, so basically peridots parents suck, sorry if i miss any majors tags, things will probably get kinky i'm sure, yeah there are a lot of things that happen and idk how to tag it all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 23:13:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3828466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MLGSpaceDorito/pseuds/MLGSpaceDorito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jasper, Lapis, and Peridot. They were the power unit. Trio? It wasn’t like one could call them a couple, seeing as couple stood for two people, but they were all in a relationship together. Yeah, unit sounded much better than trio. Honestly, trio sounded like toddlers playing swords. The three of them were a unit. Together they were invincible. Well, in terms of college life at least. Their set up was perfect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the Introduction of 1000 Forms of Fear. Each chapter will have a different song as the main theme and will have a link to said song if you're interested. This first chapter doesn't really have a theme due to the fact that was originally going to be a one shot fic, but then it turned out to be a lot longer than initially planned, and there is more to come. 1000 Forms of Fear is the title of an album by Sia, and happens to be the album where most of the song inspirations come from. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy.

Jasper, Lapis, and Peridot. They were the power unit. Trio? It wasn’t like one could call them a couple, seeing as couple stood for two people, but they were all in a relationship together. Yeah, unit sounded much better than trio. Honestly, trio sounded like toddlers playing swords. The three of them were a unit. Together they were invincible. Well, in terms of college life at least. Their set up was perfect. Peridot was the literal brains of the operation, naturally. She would help Lapis and Jasper with their homework since the two of them were constantly busy with extracurricular activities. Jasper with sports mostly, and Lapis juggled both swim team and drama. In return Lapis helped with the creative aspects of Peridot’s work, which was surprisingly much for someone going into robotics. Jasper of course helped with the literal bulk of the projects. Heavy lifting, etc.

It wasn’t as if Peridot were doing all of their work for them. On the contrary. Both Lapis and Jasper were very intelligent which went against popular belief. Peridot would review work with Jasper while she exercised. They learned fairly early on that Jasper learned best when she was working out. With her body successfully distracted she could retain the information with ease, so though Peridot would do her homework for her, Jasper still passed every test. Lapis was a similar situation, more or less. When it came to reviewing with the water lover Peridot would sit at the edge of the school pool and read to Lapis. It worked out best for everyone. Peridot would learn new things, help her partners pass their classes, and they would help her in return.

Life was great. Jasper, Lapis, and Peridot all shared an apartment near campus. It was easy to afford when your parents were practically multi-millionaires such as in Peridot’s case. Her parents wealth and knowledge had helped her countless times, ever since childhood. When Peridot came into this world she was… Incomplete. She had been born premature and without fully developed limbs. Arms barely formed past the elbows, and legs stopping just below the knee. She was a tiny thing, but she grew up fine. She lived a normal life with the assistance of prosthetics. Within the past 3 years she had been fitted with new robotic prosthetics that moved nearly as well as real limbs. One of the many benefits of having wealthy and influential parents.

Peridot however wasn’t the only one who came from a well off family. Lapis’ father was a marine biologist, which was probably what sparked the girls love for the water. It was actually was she was majoring in in college. Jasper’s father was a construction worker, and her mother a mixed martial arts fighter. Needless to say her large physique and brutish personality didn’t simply come from thin air. No, the three ‘roommates’, at least that’s what their parents were aware of, were well off enough.

Peridot sat curled up on the couch, her short hair sticking out in an infinite amount of directions. She looked like a troll doll with that untamable mess of fluff. Peridot rested against the arm of the couch, math book in resting in her lap, her notebook in one hand, and a pencil in the other. Peridot chewed on the eraser as she read through the problems. They weren’t hard, she knew the material, it was just tedious really. She scribbled down the answers quickly, not bothering to show her work, she did it all in her head and her teacher knew that.

Peridot tensed up when she felt someone lean against the back of the couch, and soon her large round glasses were lifted off her face. She blinked a few times.

“Let me guess, Lapis.”

“Hi Peri.” Lapis grinned, kissing the top of the small girls head. She then leaned back and flopped onto the couch, her legs hanging over the back of it. She put Peridot’s glasses on and looked up at her, making a goofy face.

“Please be careful with those, they’re expensive.” Peridot tried to sound cross, but Lapis always managed to make her smile. Lapis only stuck her tongue out then reached up, carefully placing Peridot’s glasses back on her face. “Thank you, you know my prescription will give you a headache.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Lapis smiled then swung her legs around so she sat up. She scooted close to Peridot, cuddling with the smaller girl. Peridot blushed and shoved her things away then leaned against Lapis.

“When did you get home?” Peridot asked, deciding to shift around so she could rest her head in Lapis’ lap. She rested her legs on the arm of the couch. Lapis smiled as she ran delicate fingers through Peridot’s mess of blonde hair.

“Only a few minutes ago. I made sure to be quiet because I knew you’d be studying. I’m pretty sure Jasper is staying late tonight, they’ve got a game this weekend and she wants to make sure she’s ready.” Lapis explained.

“Ready for what? I’m fairly certain she is the biggest member on the team, if anyone were able to take her down it would be amazing. She’s essentially a freight train.” Peridot remarked.

“Hey, I can slow down in time and dash. Freight trains don’t stop fast or well.” A gruff voice said from the doorway. Peridot and Lapis raised their eyebrows in surprise to hearing the final member of their home arrive.

“I thought you were staying late.” Lapis said, glancing over to the doorway. Jasper kicked off her shoes and dropped her bag.

“That was the plan, but the weight room was closed today. I think I heard something about faulty equipment?” Jasper mused. She then turned her attention to her partners resting on the couch and smirked. “Having fun without me?” She asked, walking over to them.

“Hardly. I was doing homework before Lapis came home and stole my glasses.”

“I gave them back!”

Peridot shrugged and sat up. She and Lapis both scooted over so Jasper could join them on the couch. The behemoth of a woman sat between the two smaller women and held them close. Peridot immediately scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“Jasper you’re covered in sweat and you need a shower.” Peridot complained. Jasper only grinned and ran a hand through her wild mane. Peridot scooted away a bit, warded off by the body odor being emitted from her girlfriends unshaven armpits. “Please, Jasper.” Peridot wanted to cover her nose, but a metal palm didn’t do much for blocking out scents when it could not curve around her nose. She noticed Lapis was covering her nose and looking away. Jasper noticed this too.

“Alright, Squirt. I won’t make you two smell me any longer. I’ll be right back.” The large woman smiled, placing a kiss to Peridot’s forehead, then Lapis’ cheek. She then stood and headed to the bathroom.

“I really wish you were not remark on my height with such derogatory nicknames.” Peridot muttered.

“That’s not why I call you Squirt.” Jasper laughed then disappeared into the bathroom. A blush spread across Peridot’s cheeks and Lapis began giggling.

“D-don’t laugh!” Peridot snapped, only causing an increase in giggles from the other girl.

“Squirt~” Lapis snickered. Peridot huffed, crossed her arms, and pouted. Lapis scooted over and pressed a soft kiss on the small womans lips.

“I’m sorry baby~” Lapis said sincerely then pulled Peridot into her lap. Not wanting to continue protesting Peridot accepted her fate and rested against Lapis. She closed her eyes and the two patiently awaited for Jasper to finish with her shower so the three could spend time together.

 

 


	2. Big Girls Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NhKWZpkw1Q

“Alright, now I’ll be back next weekend. I hope you two have fun without me. Try not to burn the house down, ok? I love you.” Lapis said with a smile, kissing Peridot on the lips, then looking up to Jasper who leaned forward. Lapis gave her a kiss on the lips then took a step back. She couldn’t help but smile for a moment before pulling the other two into a kiss. “I love you two so much.” When the three parted both Peridot and Jasper smiled. Peridot’s smile looked tired as usual, and Jasper’s smile was more of a shit eating grin.

“Have fun Lapis.” Peridot said simply.

“Tell your dad we said hi.” Jasper added. Lapis nodded and then was on her way. Her father’s best friend and assistant sat outside waiting in the car for her.

With Lapis now gone Peridot and Jasper retired to their apartment where they spent the evening on the couch watching a movie. It felt strange without Lapis, but her father wanted her to come see the new set up he had been assisting with at the aquarium in the city he lived in. Lapis simply couldn’t say no.

Jasper pulled Peridot close, the shorter woman rested comfortably there until she heard her phone go off. She excused herself then went into the other room to answer it. Her blood ran cold when she saw the number. She took a breath then answered it.

“Hi mom,” Peridot said quietly, leaning against the hallway wall.

“Peridot, it’s nice to finally hear from you. How have you been?”

“Fine, busy. Sorry I haven’t called.” That was a lie. Peridot hated having contact with her parents. To say they were overbearing was putting things lightly, but even then that wasn’t what bothered her. No, what bothered her was how they pretended to care about her, but in reality she was just an extension of their image. She needed to be perfect, because others saw her parents through her.

“I’m sure you’ve been very busy, what with college, and your girlfriends.” Peridot choked. She never told her parents she was in a relationship with Jasper and Lapis. They didn’t even know she had a preference for women. Peridot bit her bottom lip, what would she say? Play dumb.

“I don’t have-”

“Your cousin was over this weekend and I saw your facebook pictures, Peridot. It doesn’t matter though, that’s not why I’m calling.” Peridot could hear the lies laced in her mother’s tone. “Your father and I want you to come over since you’re on break.”

“I can’t. I’m busy.” Peridot said without hesitation.

“It wasn’t a suggestion or request, Peridot. Your father is picking you up tomorrow. I’ll see you soon, I love you.” And with that her mother hung up. Peridot swallowed hard as she slowly slid down along the wall and onto the floor. She turned off her phone then hugged her knees to her chest. She finally noticed Jasper standing at the end of the hall.

“What happened?” Jasper asked, walking over to her. She kneeled down next to Peridot.

“My mom called.”

“And?”

“She wants me to come visit.”

“You said no, right?”

“I couldn’t…”

“Are you kidding me? This was supposed to be our week together Peri. We made plans.” Jasper looked crestfallen. Peridot couldn’t bring herself to look at her.

“She knows, Jasper. She knows about us. All of us. I couldn’t say no.”

“So what if she knows? Why does that change anything?” Jasper asked. She hated Peridot’s parents. They were ‘traditional’, or in Jasper’s terms ‘typical baby boomers.’ Peridot tensed up slightly at Jasper’s tone. She knew where this was going, and there was nothing she could say or do to stop it.

“If they were your parents maybe you’d understand.” Peridot said quietly.

“I just… I don’t get why you act so ashamed of me and Lapis when your parents are brought into the picture, but whatever. It’s fine. Have fun at your parents.” Jasper stood and disappeared into her room. Peridot felt like she was going to cry when she heard the lock click.

 

The next day Peridot had awoken to find she had fallen asleep in the hallway. Her face felt somewhat tacky, had she been crying? She got up and went into the bathroom to get cleaned up. Her eye liner which she put on on occasion had ran. yep, she had been crying. She couldn’t really remember anything. She let out a sigh then began to get cleaned up. It wasn’t long before she heard a knock on the door, she poked her head out of the bathroom to see Jasper answered the door, and her parents were standing in the hallway.

“Hello mister and misses-”

“Hello Jasper, we’re here for Peridot.” Peridot’s father stated. Her parents didn’t hesitate to make the point that they didn’t wish to speak to Jasper. The much larger woman simply bit the inside of her cheek and stepped to the side, letting them enter the home. She tensed up when she heard a hushed remark about the state of the apartment from Peridot’s mother.

“Hello mother, father. I just need to pack my bag.” Peridot said, stepping out of the bathroom.

“Peridot, you look horrible.” Her mother gasped, Peridot noticed the way Jasper’s eyes lit up with fury.

“Yeah, I’m aware. I just woke up. Let me just pack my bag and throw some different clothes on. I’ll only be five minutes.” Peridot waved a dismissive hand at the insult and disappeared into her bedroom, leaving her partner and parents in an awkward, suffocating silence.

“Honestly, this place is a pigsty.” Peridot’s mother complained to her husband.

“Generally when people are guests in another persons home the respectful thing to do is keep their petty comments and unwanted opinions to themselves, don’t you agree?”’ Jasper hissed, catching Peridot’s mother off guard. Her mother glanced away, clearly annoyed at being called out on her childish behavior.

When Peridot reemerged from her room she could feel the disgust and hatred radiating from both parties. Honestly, it was pathetic and tiring. Her parents shot her a dangerous look as if she had taken too long and was nothing but a burden to them. She forced a smile and walked to them.

“I’m ready.” She announced and her parents were out the door without a word. Peridot turned and looked up at Jasper who was clearly pissed about the situation. “I’ll be back in a few days…”

“Yeah, whatever… Good luck.” Jasper mumbled, not making eye contact. Peridot’s heart sunk and she followed her parents out of the apartment and down to the car. Jasper immediately regretted her tone, but it was too late now. Peridot climbed into the car and her parents drove off. Jasper watched her leave from the window, then set to cleaning up the apartment. Not because Peridot’s parents said anything, but she wanted the house to be clean.

 

As soon as they were on the road the interrogation started.

 

“How is school?”

“Please don’t pretend to care about my personal life is. We all know why you wanted me to come over. I took all AP classes in high school and am minoring in psychology. You can’t play these games with me.” Peridot huffed, adjusting her glasses.

“And how would you react if you found out your child was a homosexual swinger? Honestly, it’s disgusting and a sin.” Her mother complained.

“You’re not even religious! Secondly, I’m not a swinger. Lapis, Jasper, and I are in a committed relationship together. Finally, why is it any of your damn business?” Peridot snapped.

“Peridot Pallasite do not raise your voice to your mother.” Her father shouted, clenching the steering wheel. Peridot sunk back against her seat, shaking a bit.

 

The rest of the car ride continued in bitter silence. It was easily the most agonizing hour of Peridot’s life. This week was going to be horrible, and she had no idea when her parents would let her return home, assuming they even would.

 

When they arrived to the Pallasite residence, which was just shy of being a mansion, Peridot disappeared into her old room without a word. She was beyond annoyed. Her parents demanded she come back to the home she escaped during high school only to belittle her, treat her like an object, and harass her about her love life. Typical. It was just like them to tell her how to live her life. She wasn’t a person to them. Peridot collapsed onto her old bed and stared up at the ceiling that had been decorated with the solar system. On her old desk rested a large chunk of a pallasite meteorite. It was a gift from Lapis and Jasper back before they started dating. It was kind of a joke, since pallasite meteorites contained pieces of peridot in them.

Peridot let out a sigh and closed her eyes as she collected her thoughts. Her parents had dragged her away from her apartment so they could trash talk her parents and most likely attempt to scare her out of her relationship. Jasper was pissed at her for leaving… A sharp pang in her chest caused her to gasp. Mechanical fingers clutched the front of her shirt.

A knock came on the door and Peridot immediately sat up.

“What?” She asked, sounding incredibly annoyed. Shit, that would bite her in the ass later. It was her own fault for letting her emotions show through. Her father entered the room. She wanted to say how she never gave him permission to enter, but then would have gotten a lecture about how it wasn’t her house and he was her father and blah blah. “Come to bitch at me about snapping at mum?”

“You’re upset with us. Do you want to talk about it?” Her father started. He was trying to act calm and collected, but there was a tone of condescension in his voice. “You’re stressed. I can imagine why though. Juggling not only college, but such a bizarre relationship on top of that-”

“Will you stop pretending to know what you’re talking about? You always do this. You want nothing to do with me unless you’re trying to tell me how I feel or you’re trying to fix something about me that isn’t broken.” Peridot growled. Her father stared at her in silence. It wasn’t a stare of curiosity though. He was clearly upset by her speaking freely. She didn’t care though. She wasn’t backing down this time. He stood and looked down at her.

“You would do best to keep in mind everything your mother and I have done for you. I will not repeat this conversation to her. Now, your mother wants to know what you would like for dinner.” Her father said sternly. Every bit of fire Peridot may have had before had been doused the second her father spoke. She swallowed and looked away.

“C-can we order thai?” She asked quietly. Her father left the room without a word, leaving Peridot with a pang in her chest yet again. She noticed the time, it was almost 5. She hadn’t realized how late she had slept in. Explained her parents disgust she supposed, pretending that they wouldn’t have been disgusted regardless what state she was in. Peridot left the bedroom and relocated to one of the living rooms. It was essentially hers. It was filled with a large tv, couch, older robot models she had made, and space rocks.

Surprisingly enough Peridot’s parents decided to go along with her request, and soon she was curled up on the couch with her take out. She tried to distract herself with something mind numbing on T.V, but she couldn’t get Jasper out of her mind. She had tried texting her, but no response. Whenever her parents would come around she acted busy, or at least invested in the show. She had hardly touched her food, she couldn’t bring herself to eat despite not having had anything to eat all day.

Eventually Peridot couldn’t hold it back anymore. The anxiety that had been building up since the night before. She finally gave in, clutching her chest as her feelings spilled out like flood gates being opened. Her throat tightened as she choked out tears, her heart thudded against her chest. She felt as if she were suffocating while going into cardiac arrest. Part of her wished she had been. One hand wove metallic fingers through blonde hair and took hold as she trembled. If she hated anything more than her parents it was panic attacks, which more often than not had been caused by her parents.

She couldn’t take this anymore. Getting up she stumbled over to a liquor cabinet. It was meant purely for decoration, but Peridot was done with being her parents perfect little girl. She opened the door and pulled out the first bottle she saw. Uncorking it she took a long swig then returned the bottle to its home.

From there she returned to the couch and laid down. She closed her eyes, and when she next opened them roughly 45 minutes had passed. Why had she been expecting someone to be there with her? Of course she was going to wake up alone. She blew her chances with Jasper. Looking at her phone she saw her inbox was empty. Tears ran down her cheeks and she hid her face.

 

 


	3. Cellophane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQklJjyKw9c
> 
> After reading scroll down to the end notes to find out the other source of inspiration for this fic.

“Olivine, have you seen Peridot? She’s not in her room.” Peridot’s fathers voice sounded from down the hall. “Nevermind, I found her.” He called as he stood in the archway of the living room. Peridot sat on the couch, cheeks tear stained, but her face expressionless. She had finished her food shortly after waking up from her nap. “Peridot, your mother and I would like to speak with you.”

“Not interested.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not interested. To be completely honest, I’d rather go home.” Peridot said, not looking at her father, giving him the same condescending treatment he had given her for years.

“Peridot, you are going to come with me, and we are all going to sit down as a family and talk.” Her father growled, and her mother soon stood behind him.

“What’s going on here?” Her mother asked.

“It’s nothing Olivine, everything is fine.” Her father answered. Peridot only snorted with laughter.

“You know what’s funny? What kind of conceited person names their child after their self? I mean honestly. Peridot is just a color variation of olivine. How stuck up your own ass did you have to be to name me Peridot? And Peridot Pallasite? Wow, real creative. 10/10.” Peridot said, a smug grin on her face.

“Excuse me?” Her mother gasped, clearly offended.

“I’m sorry, did I stutter?” Peridot asked, finally turning to look at her parents.

“Have you been drinking, Peridot?” Her father demanded.

“Yes, actually, I have been, and you know what? I feel great. Because now I can tell you what I’ve been wanting to say for years.” Peridot finally got up from the couch and walked over to her father. She then turned on a heel and began talking with her hands. "Don’t worry though I'm not going to complain about overbearing parents with high expectations of me who had no business in raising a child. People who never wanted me to begin with, not after they found out how I'd be born at least. Had it not been for their influence they would have given me up in a heartbeat, but they had an image to keep. So people took pity on the poor philanthropists cursed with a child born premature with no useable limbs.” She spat.

“Now you listen here young lady-” Her father started, but she cut him off, turning to him when she spoke again.

“You don’t need to tell me that my mother didn’t look at me with disgust when I had been brought to her, because I know you’d be lying. It’s ok though, it doesn’t bother me. Turns out I enjoy being an antisocial shut in with zero people skills. No, what bothers me is the fact you’ve got this delusion that it’s your fucking business what I do with my life. Well news flash, I love both Jasper and Lapis. They’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home. Oh, and you can stop stop treating me like a basket case anytime now.” With that Peridot walked past her father to retrieve her bag. Both of her parents stood there in a mixture of anger and disbelief.

Peridot grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. With no further words for her parents she walked out the front door, her pallasite meteorite tucked away safely with her belongings. She tried calling Jasper, but no answer. She left a voicemail, apologizing and telling her she was coming home.

Call after call and still no answer. She had been walking for almost three hours, and with each time she was sent to voicemail she found herself closer and closer to breaking down sobbing. She could feel people watching her as she walked. She tried telling herself that they weren’t staring. That they didn’t notice the tears roll down her cheeks occasionally, but she was never a good liar. No matter how hard she try, she couldn’t hide the pain. It was like she was wrapped in cellophane, her breaking heart on display for the world to see.

 

Jasper sighed when her phone went off for probably the twentieth time. She finally answered.

“I’m not really interested in talking.” She said with a sigh, the voice on the other end however caught her off guard.

“That’s fine, because I’m going to keep this quick, miss Jasper. You stay away from my daughter. I don’t want her around an abusive thug like you. I can’t even imagine how you are around the other girl. Because of your influence she verbally assaulted her father and I then stormed out of the house.” Peridot’s mother snapped. Jasper’s initial reaction to hearing about Peridot’s outburst caused a bit of pride to swell up in her chest for her feisty little girlfriend, but then she let the rest of Olivine’s words sink in.

“And just how am I abusive to either Lapis or Peridot, Mrs. Pallasite?” Jasper asked, resting a hand on her hip.

“I don’t need to answer to you. I know how you are towards them, not that I’d expect someone like you to be able to recognize abusive behavior let alone admit to it.” Wow, talk about calling the kettle black.

“Alright, I see what this is.” Jasper said, pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance. “Because you don’t like me you’re now deciding to throw around insults in order to justify your ill feelings and jealousy towards me. You’re trying to build me up as some sort of monster so you don’t have to have harassing someone 30 years younger than you on your conscious. That’s great. Unfortunately the only thing you’re succeeding in is making abuse, which is a serious issue, into a joke. Not only do you accusations affect me, which you have made clear is your intentions, but you are affecting my partners lives as well. For you to throw around such terms freely is not only fucking disgusting, but in turn you are silencing actual victims of abuse. Now tell me, what is it that you hate so much about me that you feel the need to refer to me as abusive? Is it my abrasive personality, my masculine appearance, the fact that I gave your daughter love when you couldn’t bring yourself to do so, or is it something else?” Jasper asked. She was done playing nice with Peridot’s parents.

There was silence aside from breathing on the other end of the line.

“Good, seeing as I’ve gotten your attention I’m going to make one thing real fucking clear for you, Olivine. I may appear brutish, but I’m generally a nice and easy going person towards people who deserve to be treated with respect. Now, in your case I don’t respect you. In fact I have hated you since the day I fucking met you. How Peridot managed to turn out as well as she did given your outright neglect and shitty parenting skills is beyond me. However, I love both Peridot and Lapis more than life itself. There is nothing in this god damn world I wouldn’t do for them, and nothing. I mean nothing is going to keep me from keeping them safe from anything that may mean harm to them, and as far as I’m concerned both you and your husband are dangerous to Peridot. So, I never want to see you at our home again. Do I make myself fucking clear, Mrs. Pallasite?” Jasper growled the last bit.

“Crystal.” came the trembling voice on the other end. When the call ended Jasper put her phone down and took a breath. A slump outside of the door caught her attention, followed by a muffled sobbing. Jasper quickly went to the door and opened it to find Peridot curled up in a ball.

“Peri…” Jasper kneeled down and carefully scooped the smaller woman up into her arms. She held her close and brought her into the house, pushing her bag in with her foot. She closed the door behind her then settled down on the couch with Peridot who shook and sobbed. Jasper held her close, tears filling her own eyes, and soon running down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry Peri… I love you so much.” Jasper said quietly, rubbing Peridot’s back softly as she cradled her protectively.

“I’m sorry for leaving. I’m sorry for my parents. I’m so sorry for everything.” Peridot said between hiccups and sniffles. Jasper kissed the top of her head.

“Hey, hey it’s ok… I’m sorry for getting mad. Come on, no more tears. I hate seeing you upset. Come on it’s ok.” Jasper said, leaning back and wiping away from of Peridot’s tears with her thumb. Peridot swallowed then rested her head against Jasper’s chest. She closed her eyes and tried to relax.

“I love you, Jasper.”

“I love you too, Peri. I love you so fucking much.” Jasper said quietly, adjusting their positions so they lay on the couch, Peridot on top of her. “It’s ok now. I’m going to keep you safe. I promise.”

Peridot nodded slowly. Her panic attack hadn’t even begun to fade. The feeling of electricity flooded her brain, and she could feel herself fall apart. That’s what anxiety was to her. Everyone could see her pain. Just a basket case wrapped in cellophane. Peridot trembled, but Jasper rested a hand on her back and whispered sweet nothings to her as she slowly came down.

They laid like that for a while before Jasper brought Peridot into the bathroom. She helped Peridot remove her mechanical parts then helped her into the tub. They bathed together and held each other close. Jasper would give Peridot’s neck little kisses every so often as she washed the other woman’s hair. She was whisper how much she loved her and how beautiful she was.

In that moment Peridot didn’t feel like a burden. She felt safe, and she felt loved. That’s how she always felt when she was with her partners, and that’s all she ever wanted. With her hair washed Peridot leaned back against Jasper and relaxed. Jasper smiled and held her against her, though it wasn’t long before Jasper’s hands began wandering, and new sensations and emotions had completely erased the stressful events from the night from Peridot’s mind momentarily.

She loved her big brute of a girlfriend.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter actually has two sources of inspiration. The first of course being Cellophane by Sia, the link will be provided. The second source of inspiration is for the wonderful tumblr users who like to throw around the terms "abuser" and "rapist" to describe Jasper as a way to describe her to justify their feelings. You don't have to like her. No one said you had to, but throwing around serious terms like that is actually a very damaging thing to do, so please stop.
> 
> Also, feel free to tell me what you think of the fic so far, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> Song Inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQklJjyKw9c


End file.
